Happy New Year, Treatment’s Over

…and BAM! said the lady – treatment was done. Glory!!!

I’m done treatment. I’m actually done treatment. Radiation’s over, chemotherapy is over…I’m actually done treatment.

I’m repeating myself because I’m somehow having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that the process of treatment is over. I mean, this started in July. It’s been 6 straight months of trekking to the cancer centre, putting on hospital gowns, fatigue, waiting rooms, appointment cards, needles. My treatment for cancer had become such an integrated part of my every day life that it’s hard to grasp that it’s all done.

My last day of treatment was a little more eventful than usual, as I had a CT enterography to look at my bowels (because of the pain during chemo). Have I mentioned how much I dislike CT scans? This one was a little unsuccessful – I just could not stomach whatever that thing was they gave me to drink. It was a clear solution, somewhat sweet with a slippery texture….GROSS. I think I only got down about half of what I was supposed to, so I don’t know how well that scan is going to turn out. After that I headed over to the radiation therapy unit, and did my last round of radiation. At least for now.

I happen to work at the same hospital that I’m being treated at. When I left the hospital today and closed the office door behind me, I actually got a little emotional and almost started crying. It really felt like I was closing the door on a chapter of my life. The fact that the end of treatment coincides with the end of the calendar year just makes it all the more poignant. It’s hard to describe all the emotions that involved. I’m ecstatic, grateful, in disbelief, calm, exhausted, guarded…just so many different thoughts and feelings running through my little chemo brain.

I know the journey isn’t done, and I still have ways to go. More scans to do, more appointments. I won’t know whether or not I can have children till around April, since they have to wait for my cell function to be totally back to normal post chemo. My next PET scan isn’t till April – they have to wait for the radiation inflammation to completely subside – that takes about three months. I won’t even know how well the radiation worked till then. But for now, I’m done treatment.

December 30th, 2011. I’m actually done treatment.