If I regret one thing from the period of time I was in the hospital and then home on treatment, it’s that I wasn’t mean enough.
By: Susie Ehrhardt
If I regret one thing from the period of time I was in the hospital and then home on treatment, it’s that I wasn’t mean enough.
Yes, you read that right!
As many of those affected by cancer can surely understand, the outpouring of support that happens when making your diagnosis public is unreal. I was bombarded with people from all eras of my life expressing love and support. It was of course wonderful, and gave me some much-needed inner strength. But it was also completely overwhelming.
In the beginning, I was too polite. I let people come visit me when I was too tired. I failed to tell my family that I required alone time in the hospital. I allowed visitors after surgeries when I was in no condition to socialize. “Healthy” people don’t always understand the energy that is required to be “on” so to speak. But when you’re completely drained of energy, you have to be careful of how you choose to expend it. Using up that day’s energy just to be polite to someone who is there more for them than for you, is no way to use up that precious energy.
I eventually learned that honesty is always the best policy in these situations. People are just worried. If you explain that you want to see them but are too tired from stress and treatments, they should understand. And you know what? If they don’t understand, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the value of having that person in your life. At least in that particular point in time.
This is something I still struggle with, despite being 1.5 years out of treatment. The fatigue still lingers, and I am always conscious of over-exerting myself. I’m in this vicious cycle now where I do all the things all at once, then require a week in bed just to recuperate. It’s a precarious balancing act that is ever-changing, and complicated by the fact that I still never know how I’m going to feel when I wake up in the morning.
So, let’s be mean together. Let’s say “no.” Selfishness is not a dirty word. The people who really care will just want us to do what’s best for us. That way we can preserve energy to have moments with others that are well-earned, memorable for the right reasons, and so, so worth it.
