It’s been almost eight months since I finished treatment for lymphoma, and almost 4 months since I was declared to be in remission. And I’m already dealing with my second recurrence scare. Deja vu of deja vu…
By: Robin Harry
Back in May 2012, my transition care doctor gave me a nasal steroid to help with a persistent cough that I was having. It was working pretty well until I got a cold in July. The cold was mostly a head cold – I was stuffy, sinus pain, itchy throat, the usual icky cold stuff. The problem arose when all the cold symptoms went away – except for the cough. The cough just got worse and worse; a dry, hacking cough that made me want to throw up. I cough when I laugh, when I talk, when I sing. It persists up till now. I’m seriously considering investing in whatever company makes Fisherman’s Friends.
Issue #2 was the chest pain. In early July I had an attack of pericarditis – the same kind of pericarditis that took me to the doctor’s office over a year ago. My cardiologist did say back in March that because of the severity of the inflammation that I had back when I was first diagnosed, pericarditis would likely be recurring throughout my life, and I’d have to “treat” it early to prevent it from getting severe. So when I had the pain last month, I just kept that in mind and Advilled that sucker into history.
Here lies the problem – both symptoms together. If the cough and the chest pain had occurred months apart, I wouldn’t have been worried at all. But both of them, together, with the cough not getting any better? When those were my two primary symptoms of mediastinal lymphoma? Let’s just say I’m slightly concerned.
On Monday I had my second follow-up in the transition care clinic, and I let the doctor know about the chest pain. I didn’t have to tell her about the cough – I’m pretty sure the whole unit could hear me hacking up a storm. She called my oncologist, and they both decided to be safe, and do a full work-up to rule out a recurrence. I’ve done full blood work, an ECG, a chest X-Ray, and I’m scheduled for a chest CT tomorrow. So we’ll see then what the results are.
Now let’s get one thing absolutely clear: I do not want under any circumstances to have cancer again, ever in my life. EVER. I want to live the rest of my life cancer-free, in no uncertain terms. But weirdly enough, a clean report also troubles me. A clean report means that I can’t ever completely trust my own body anymore. If the last cough I had was nothing, and this time a cough and chest pain is nothing, that means I have absolutely no idea when I should be worried by a cough and when I shouldn’t. It means that I’ll never just know when my heart wall acting up is just my heart wall acting up, and when it’s a giant cancerous lymph node taking up space. I can’t ever say with certainty when something is something, and when something is nothing. Oh, how will I know…
I like to know things. Ignorance is not ever bliss for me. I feel power and confidence in having knowledge. I hate not knowing. But really, considering the alternative…I’ll settle for having to ask my body a few questions every now and again. Even if it is through radiological exams every few months…
